'Jealousy' - Salon at Blacks, January 8, 2005
Jeremy Ackerman, Chales Asprey, Svetlana Bobrakova, Marcello Bratke, Suzanne Buchan, Sacha Craddock, Peter Cross, Enriquo David, Margarita Glutzberg, Phil Gray, Mustafa Halusi, Tove Helikvist, Mark Inglefield, Vanessa Jackson, Mariannita Luzzati, Giuseppe Mascoli, Mary Moore, Sam Moorhead, Goshka Macugar + Jimmy, Paddy O’Connor, Sally O’Reilley, James Putnam, Sandrine Pellassy, Helio Pelosi, Chantal Rachel, Pamela Schlatter, Martin Sexton.
Of the human emotions, jealousy is one of the most powerful and can be experienced in your work as well as in your relationship with lovers, family and friends. The stomach-churning pain of jealousy comes from vulnerability and is related to fear or apprehension of another’s superiority or greater attraction. It is often linked to the less destructive phenomenon of envy, a yearning for something you don’t have or resentment of another’s good fortune, success or qualities
Jealousy frequently involves suspicion and distrust of a lover’s faithfulness and has much to do with illusion and the insecurity of the ego. The important thing to grasp is that jealousy is within you rather than in the relationship. You start projecting all kinds of feelings of self-doubt, anticipating rejection through insufficient money, unattractive appearance and lifestyle. You experience jealousy big time when you confuse love with attachment and the misguided idea that your lover is your exclusive possession. The least effective way to deal with jealousy is trying to control your partner and their sexuality. The irony is that your speculation about your lover’s infidelity may arise from the thoughts you yourself are harbouring of being "unfaithful”. Perhaps it’s the very feelings of mistrust and insecurity in moments of paranoia that turn your fears into a reality.
Jealousy is not a single emotion but a combination of feelings ranging from anxiety, inadequacy, rejection, betrayal, depression, to paranoia, agitation and anger. Statistical studies rank jealousy as the third most common motive for murder. However calm and rational you try to be it is still difficult to control the internal automatic reactions that accompany jealousy. These can be deep-rooted – perhaps unpleasant childhood memories of being left alone by parents. Evolutionary psychologists have also proposed that jealousy originates from some primal instinct related to the competitive pressures experienced by our ancestors.